I should be happy.
Everything has happened the way I wanted to.
I was crying in silence last night, thinking that I wanted a hug and a kiss...and I got both of them.
But when I saw him this morning, I felt pain, I felt the need to be with him but he didn't want to and I quite don't know how to handle what I am feeling.
I only know that it is a mix of resignation, understanding, knowing that with N  everything is going nowhere and that is why, I should and I need to just let him go forever.
You cannot plan a future with someone who lives in the past, hating, and loving the people of his past where I have no place to be, because I will never be able to catch up with his old girls and friends...
I just miss how I felt when we where hugging each other after making love.
I hope time will help me forget that feeling and find someone new that can make me feel good in all senses.